So....

I never wrote my official "we're expecting" blog post but I didn't manage to keep my mouth shut for very long on Facebook.

First trimester has been a bit of a challenge this time around.. I've been exhausted, nauseous, thrown up about once every day since my 6th week pregnant and I look awful and worn down. I remember feeling nauseated in my 9th week of pregnancy with Aubrie, I was moody and my boobs were SUPER sensitive and painful but other than that it was pretty easy. Anna's pregnancy was even better! This time around has been the pits!
At my first ultrasound I was given a new expected delivery date, based on the baby's measurements, for May 4th 2014 (our 5 year wedding anniversary). This would put me at exactly 11 weeks along yesterday (Saturday 10/12).  I was excited at the idea of moving out of first trimester into a much easier second trimester... But that might not be so.

In the early hours of the morning I got up to find quite a bit of blood. So much so that I immediately dressed and ran to the emergency room leaving Eric at home with the girls still fast asleep. I was admitted quickly and run through a slew of tests including an EKG because upon arrival apparently I was having tachycardia. No doubt due to my utter panic at the idea that I might be losing this baby...
Blood was drawn, IV drips inserted, medication for my nausea administered, a pelvic exam and two ultrasounds. The ultrasound was nerve-racking. There was a sign on the wall explaining that under threat of losing their certification, the ultrasound techs were not allowed to diagnose or give opinions. The tech scanned my belly quietly, capturing frames to be assessed by the physician. Her expression wasn't very reassuring and only added to the worry when she turned the screen away from my view and said we needed to do another type of scan for a better view. She prepped me for the more invasive transvaginal ultrasound and again quietly collected her images from around my womb. After several minutes in the dark I said "I'm afraid to ask.." To which the tech replied "I'm sorry, I'm not allowed to tell you anything."
" I know, I saw the sign..." Silence again.
Then suddenly she moved the screen so I could see and paused to let me watch the tiny form on the monitor move. Pure joy! The baby was still alive! I couldn't help but cry "The baby's wiggling! He's ok!"
The tech smiled and said, "I may not be able to tell you anything but they didn't say I couldn't show you". She continued on with her work looking around at my ovaries and whatnot. I felt relieved.

When they wheeled me back to my room, I expected to be told all was well and be sent on my way. I thought maybe this was another case of the over paranoid expectant mother and eyes were being rolled at me outside of my room for wasting anyone's time. At least the baby is ok, I thought.
Two physicians swooped into my room and one quickly explained in a rush "so there was a hemorrhage between the placenta and uterine wall where the placenta has pulled away slightly. The baby is ok for now but this does put you at a higher risk of miscarriage, ok?" He said they were still waiting on the radiologists official report and they would be back with those results in a bit. They both swooped out of the room again to leave me mauling over the information.
I hadn't heard much about this kind of thing happening and I wasn't really sure what to think. "Higher risk for miscarriage" is never comforting to hear.
An hour later the other physician returned and rattled off the exact same thing the first dr said followed up with "be sure to rest and keep hydrated, but again this does put you at a higher risk for miscarriage."
I got the feeling that they were already leaning toward this outcome being the most likely. There wasn't much effort made to assure me that the baby was going to be fine, the words used were always "for now" and the last thing said was always "this increases your chances of miscarriage"... The discharge instructions prompted me to rest, follow up with my OB within 3 days and come back if the bleeding worsened.
An outpouring of prayers and encouragement filled my inbox from friends and family when I returned home. I felt ok for the most part although somewhat more "fragile". I didn't fully understand what I was facing so like anyone with access to the internet, I googled "placenta separating from the uterus" it brought back a formal name and description of the condition- Placenta Abruption. The medical sites described this condition as "very dangerous for mom and baby" and said most cases result in preterm birth or miscarriage... not comforting..
I googled on. Forums were filled with simular worried mothers looking for encouraging success stories... to my dismay women recounted story after story of placenta seperations early on that ended the pregnancy, abruptions in the second trimester that resulted in preterm babies and few survivors, third trimester abruptions that yeilded stillborns.. Ah but a ray of hope! A story of an early abruption that healed itself and ended with a healthy full term baby! A few accounts of preterm deliveries 23 weeks and on that survived! Some encouraging moms who carried to full term on modified bedrest!

I'm holding onto these good stories and trying to stay positive. My midwife should be calling me tomorrow and hopefully she'll be more reassuring.

For now, prayers for our little bean are always welcome! <3

Taking a minute...

This week feels full. I'm hacking away at the long list of edits on my plate from the weekend and scouting out new props in preparation for my upcoming shoots and the August "Tents& Fireflies" Minis. I also need to get decorations and plans in order for Anna's birthday party next Saturday!

Lately I've been sifting through the pricing of other photographers with work that inspires me... and I'm blown away at rates I'm seeing.. I then begin critiquing my entire business layout and cringing at the mountain of things I need to change.
I just saw one photographer offering a 40% discount for a "lifestyle" session (which is more "candid based" in the client's home or on location instead of the traditional family posed with all smiles photos)- anyway the "discounted" session still rang up for a whopping $510! And the original price was $850??

I don't know how I could ever justify charging that amount. Maybe I'm still not giving what I do enough value. I just... aaaggg REALLY? $850 for a lifestyle session with the flash drive and a photo book? That's just a few bucks shy of my lowest WEDDING package...

I feel small. And out of my element..

Bah, on another note, Anna's cake smash was a success! Her adorable cake was made by my incredible friend Carri and not only was it GORGEOUS but it tasted phenominal!
I feel a bit guilty that with Anna's session I had the ability to stop and put her down for a nap between set ups lol.

:( My baby is turning one!

 

Hope to see you guys at the party!

Ugh today...

I'm feeling extremely frustrated... My back is still giving me issues- this is now day 5 and usually these bouts only last 3 days tops! I have a Cake Smash session at the house tonight which means I need to clean and organize the studio and hide the tangled mess of clothes and crafts and what-not in my laundry room! lol I have a Family session on the editing block but it is so painful to sit in the chair at my desktop (where my editing software is) and still jump up and down after the girls..
I'm also really frustrated with this daunting task of "professionalizing" my business. I need to apply for an LLC and insure my equipment, figure out reporting and taxes, up my prices and figure out print packages, order flash drives that then need to be customized with my logo and update my site with new images.. the list goes on.
Last night I managed to conduct a session even with as much pain as I'm in but by 7:30 I was OUT. Anna didn't want to go to bed and by 10:30 she was still rolling around fighting me so I'm exhausted.

I'd love to take a week off and be able to address all of the business kinks without sessions to conduct or edit and without a house to clean lol.

Bah my images are done compressing and need to be sent out and Aubrie is at my side crying for a cookie. That's my cue!


<3

Rain, rain...

We FINALLY got a little bit of rain the other day! And like any good Arizonan of course we immediately ran outside to soak it up. :p  It wasn't a super heavy down pour but we were gratefull for it none-the-less.

It was dry today but I'm hoping this isn't all we'll see of the monsoon this year. Praying for more wonderful rainy days! :)

Picnic dinner

Bah, rain? No rain... :/
But we got to have our picnic dinner after all! I love our picnic dinners at the park. It's nice to get out of the house and spend some time together. I usually leave my camera at home but I decided to bring it along last night.

I love my little family! <3

Back to it!

Sooooo we were a little occupied this last week and I didn't really have a chance to blog. Aubrie did have her first evaluation done with AZEIP on Monday and she scored right in the average bracket so she doesn't actually qualify for their developmental programs. We still have the option to have her evaluated by a speech therapist to see what areas we can help her with. That will be next Wednesday morning.
 I knew she was going to test within the normal range for her age. I think she might just need a little socialization and patience but it's a nice piece of mind to have had this done anyway. :)

Anna is climbing on everything, which is frightening when at every turn I find her standing on a chair, the couch, a toy, the window sill- ready to LEAP! Oh, and she's found her own solution to Aubrie's biting... she likes to grab tiny, death grip, fist fulls of Aubrie's hair and locks on like a rabid badger. We literally have to pry her little fingers open, all the while she's grinning as if the whole thing is an absolute gas! Ah, rotten girls! lol


Oh! We got to model new dresses for the Little Miss Fairytale boutique! It was a bit of a rush order so we didn't have a whole lot of time to devote to a shoot but they still came out pretty cute and are being used to advertise the line :).

 

 

 

 

 

 

Well, we were planning a picnic dinner in the park tonight but it looks like we might FINALLY get some rain in this far corner of the desert city! Fingers crossed!

 

More on us later... <3

Daddy

My girls have the best daddy.  He simply adores them. He plays with them for hours, truly invests his time in them and I see how his heart melts into a puddle at the very sight of their bright little faces.

He sees them. And that is SO important.

It's always a chorus of cheers when we see Dad in the window, coming home from work. He always drops to a knee with arms gaping open for both girls to go running into.

I have to say, as much as my babies love Mama... Daddy is totally their favorite. 

 

 

We didn't really get a chance to do Father's Day photos last month but on a typical day this is what you might expect to find at the Lettman house and I think it pretty much tops any posed session I could have forced on them. :o)

 

Thank you for being such an awesome daddy Eric.

I love you!